


Suddenly // Discontinued for the time being

by smolheart



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Past Child Abuse, foster kid!philip, foster parent!lams, trans!philip, yes the title is from le mis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6953431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolheart/pseuds/smolheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and John become foster parents, and suddenly the world seems a different place.</p><p>(new edition of the previous Suddenly verse!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. suddenly it starts

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: molliewritesfic and fn-hamilton  
> twitter: 1776trash
> 
> note:welcome to the new and improved Suddenly 'verse, those of you that read the first version of this know that Philip is FTM, and since we're meeting him earlier on his transition is going to be one that progresses with the story. As for pronouns in my writing, I'm going to be using she/her pronouns to describe them until Alex and John start using he/him pronouns. Enjoy the story!

“Pstttt wakeup”

Kitty shook the younger girls shoulder and she snapped her eyes open, sitting up slowly and shaking her hair out.

“We’ll be there in a few minutes, wake yourself up a little.”

She passed her a water bottle and she took in both hands, sipping at it as she looked out the window from her booster seat. The neighborhood looked straight out of a movie, thus making it better than any neighborhood she had lived in before. Every house had a white picket fence around the lawn and most driveways were taken up by mini-vans. They pulled into one of the few driveways that didn’t have a mini van, and she hunkered back down in his seat.  
-  
“What if she hates us?”

Alex closed his laptop and sighed, John scootching over and running his fingers through his hair slowly, Alex relaxing slightly under his touch.

“Then we will deal with that when it happens, but I highly doubt it will.”

Alex opened his mouth to protest but the sound of the doorbell ringing silenced him, and John stood up, Alex joining him and squeezing his hand as they went to the door. John let go of his hand to open it, a blonde women greeting him cheerfully.

“Hello! I’m Kitty Livingston from New-York Foster and this,”

She looked down and a girl no older than 7 poked her head, covered in black ringlet curls, out from behind her legs, looking up at Alex and John nervously before resuming her position behind Kitty, who looked down at the smaller girl, trying to push her forward by her backpack.

“Is Rebekah.”

Alex knelt down, John following him, and Rebekah poked her head out again, biting her bottom lip and looking between the two of them. 

“Hi Rebekah, I’m Alex, and this is John.”

He motioned to the two of them and smiled, Rebekah looking up a Kitty before stepping out a little more, both of her hands folded behind her back. 

“We’re so excited to finally meet you, do you want to come look around?”

John finished off and Rebekah nodded, reaching up to take Kitty's hand as John led them in the house, Alex walking ahead of them. Rebekah walked slowly, analyzing all of her surroundings critically and messing with the strap on her backpack with her free hand, training her eyes on Alex. 

“Do you want a water or anything Kitty?”

She shook her head, pulling a file folder out of her bag and handing it to him.

“I actually have to get going, Saturday tends to be a busy drop-off day for us but my number is on the file if you have any questions, I’ll be calling tomorrow to follow up regardless.”

Alex looked a little taken aback at this, but John shot him a knowing look and he relaxed, watching Kitty get on Rebekah's level and whispering something in her ear before letting go of his hand and walking back out the door, leaving the trio alone. 

“Do you wanna see your room?”

She nodded and stood on her tiptoes to grab Johns hand, Alex's heart melting as he walked behind them, watching him lead the little one down the hallway. Alex pushed upon the door to her room, standing back for a second to let John and Rebekah in before walking in himself. The room was painted pale blue with sea creature wall stickers, and a coordinating bedspread. John let go of her hand to let her look around, and Rebekah walked around the room in a circle, dragging her hand across the wall and looking at everything in her vision field. When she completed her circle she pulled himself up onto her bed, taking her backpack off and swinging her feet. 

Alex sat down next to her, picking her Finding Nemo backpack up off the floor and holding it in his lap. 

“Finding Nemo is the best, do you know what type of fish Nemo is?”

She perked up a little at this, furrowing her eyebrows together in concentration before coming to an answer. 

“He's a clownfish...I think.”

“You are! and Dory is a-

“Blue Tang!”

Rebekah blurted out before he could finish, clasping her hands over her mouth when she realized she had cut Alex off. 

“What's wrong, you're right, Dory is a Blue Tang.”

He shot John a nervous look and he pulled a swivel chair over, sliding it across the floor and parking it next to where Alex sat on the bed. 

Rebekah looked between them as she took her hands off of her mouth slowly, fiddling with them in his lap idly. 

“I interrupted. Miss.Kitty said interrupting is what bad kids do and I don't wanna be bad.”

Johns' heart sank at this, he was raised with the same mantra his whole life along with a few other choice rules from the mind of his father, it still affected him even 20 years later. 

“Rebekah, can you look at me?”

She looked back up, biting her lip and rocking in place slowly. 

“You knew something and that's awesome!, not bad. We don't think you're bad, we've only known you for a little bit and we think you're great.”

“Promise?”

She looked back up and John held up his pinkie, Rebekah lifting her hand to link hers with his and smiling slightly. Alex's heart was a puddle on the floor.  
-  
 **Rebekah Joelle Nevis**  
Born: August 3rd 2008  
Parents: Catherine and Raoul Nevis [both deceased, Raoul by cancer in 2013, Catherine by suicide in 2015]  
Previous placements: 2, removed from first by request of foster parents. Removed from second when evidence of neglect and drug use was found in home.

Alex read the first page of her file to himself as John sifted through the rest of the papers, highlighting things and jotting down questions for Kitty. 

“She's been through so much, I'm so afraid of failing her.”

John set his highlighter down and took Alex's hand in his, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to it, Alex flushing red and looking down sheepishly. 

“You won't, we won't.”  
-  
It was a little past 3am when Alex was woken up by something tugging at his shirt. 

“John what the hell?”

He mumbled as he opened his eyes, shaking his head to wake himself up and turning over. Much to his surprise, John was still fast sleep. He turned over to the other side of the bed and jolted awake when he realized the tugging had come from Rebekah, who was standing at the side of his bed with tears running down her face. 

“A...Alex?”

“Hey hey I'm up I'm here.”

He got down off the bed and got on her level, brushing the curls out of her eyes and sitting criss-cross in front of her. 

“Nightmare....scared.”

She hiccuped through more tears and he grabbed a tissue from the nightstand to dab her face. 

“Do wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head vigorously at that and rubbed her eyes. 

“Just wanna go back to sleep, can't.”

“Tell you what,”

Alex stood back up and took her hand, Rebekah looking up at him doe-eyed.

“How about I come back to your room with you and I'll stay with you till you fall back asleep?”

She nodded a little and grasped Alex's hand tightly as the pair walked back down the hallway.

Alex tucked Rebekah in before making himself comfortable in the lounge chair next to her bed, watching her shift around restlessly for a few minutes before finally drifting off to sleep, falling asleep himself when he was sure she was out.   
-  
John was confused, to say the least, when he woke up alone, padding down the hallway to Rebekah's room and cracking open the door slowly. Alex was still asleep under a blanket in the lounge chair, Rebekah curled up in a Bubble Guppies pajama-clad ball, fast asleep. He decided against waking either of them up, pulling out his phone to snap a photo before walking back out and closing the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little notice that i am a cis girl, and know that puts me in a place writing this where i might mess it up. i did my research and tried to match this to the trans kid experiences i read up on but if you see something that isn't right PLEASE bring it to my attention.  
> tumblr: molliewritesfic & fn-hamilton  
> twitter: 1776trash

“Alex?”

Rebekah stood in front of his chair and poked his shoulder, leaping back and after and rocking on her heels. He stirred awake, his lips curving in a smile when he saw her there. 

“Morning Rebekah.”

She stepped forward and brushed his hair back, tugging on his arm. 

“It's 12 o'clock, John says you need to wakeup-”

She paused for a moment to deepen her voice.

“ _now_ ”

Alex chuckled and stood up, holding onto the chair for leverage for a moment before walking out of the room, Rebekah trailing after him. 

John was waiting in the living room with coffee for Alex and a juice box and sand which for Rebekah, who took them cautiously and plopped down next to John on the couch. 

“Took you long enough.” 

He chided and Alex rolled his eyes as he sipped his coffee, Rebekah giggling. 

“If you want to, I was thinking we could would take you out and have you pick out some new clothes and things for your room?”

John directed the question towards Rebekah and she lit up for a moment before letting her features drop, and looking down. 

“You don't gotta spend money on me.”

“We know we don't have to, we want to.”

Alex said and she lifted her head, sighing under her breath but nodding. 

“Okay.”  
-  
Rebekah flattened her button up shirt with her hands, studying herself in the mirror carefully. Aside from the shirt she wore cuffed jeans and Sperrys. She went to walk out of the room, only to notice a bow on the ground with a post it on it reading “For my favorite girl. -Kitty” She sighed and kicked it under her bed before walking out.  
-  
The trio loaded up in the car and set off to target, Rebekah humming to herself quietly in the backseat and swinging her legs. Alex looked back at her what seemed like every five seconds. 

“She's not going to disappear honey.”

John reached over from the drivers seat and squeezed his hand, Alex sighing and glancing back at her one more time before turning his attention to the road.  
-  
They walked in together, Rebekah grabbing Alexs hand and John trailing behind them, Rebekah looking back to make sure he was still following them every now and again. They eventually reached the toy section and she let go of his hand cautiously to walk towards the aisle with the Marvel toys, reading the labels and price tags on everything. Alex and John followed her lead, John stopping Alex to whisper in his ear 

“You realize if she's team Iron Man we can't just send her away,right?”

Alex scoffed and pushed him back playfully, directing his attention to Rebekah, who had since pulled a Captain America costume off the rack. 

“Do you want this?”

He crouched down to get on her level and she nodded excitedly, gripping it like was a life raft. 

“He's my favorite-est”

Alex turned back to wink at John, who gave him a thumbs up, before turning back to Rebekah and smiling. 

“Mine too.”

With the costume and a cart full of other Marvel themed toys and coloring books [Read: Avengers coloring books], John and Rebekah headed off to the clothes departement, Alex walking off with his own cart to get groceries. She looked back at him nervously as they walked into the little girls section, the blown up photos of little girls dancing around in tutus and dresses making her stomach do backflips. She was quiet as she browsed the racks, her eyes trailing to the boys section across the aisle. John noticed this and bent down, placing a hand on the little girls shoulder. 

“If you wanna go over there we can.”

She nodded quickly and walked over, John following her.  
-  
Alex surprised John by nudging him with the cart from the back, John jumping a little and laughing when he saw it was Alex, Rebekah running out from around the corner and dropping an armful of clothes into the cart. 

“I think I'm done but I gotta use the bathroom.”

She shrugged and ran off, John stepping out into the aisle to make sure she got there without hassle, the child turning back and scanning the area before disappearing into the mens room. 

“You saw that too right?”

Alex piped up from behind him and he nodded, biting on his bottom lip. 

“You go check out, I'll wait for them.”

Alex pressed a kiss to his cheek before walking off towards the checkout, John relocating to a bench outside the bathroom. When Rebekah walked out of the bathroom and saw John they froze, tears quickly forming in their eyes. 

“Hey hey you're okay, Alex went to check out, how about you and me go out to the car?”

They nodded weakly and trailed behind John, hiccuping as tears rolled down their face. When they got to the car John let the child climb in before him, sliding into the seat next to theirs once they were in, Rebekah bringing their knees to their chest. 

“Why are you upset?” 

John reached forward and grabbed a tissue from the glovebox, Rebekah taking it shakily. 

“Cause you're gonna send me back”

Johns heart sank at this, and he tried not to let it show in his face as he put an arm around the child, Rebekah burying their head in the crook of his neck and dampening his shirt with tears. 

“Nothing could make us send you back I promise.”

He rubbed their back as the clicking of the drivers door signaled Alex returning, dropping the bags in the passenger seat before turning back and looking at the pair in the back seat, his face falling at the scene in front of him. Rebekah pulled back from John and sniffled, sighing deeply. 

“Kitty said I'm not 'pposed to talk about it, she says you'll send me back if I talk about it.”

_“If you want to get out of this hell hole system your name is Rebekah and you. are. a. girl. You really think any family wants a little girl who pretends to be a boy? They'll send you right back.”_

“Talk about what kiddo? You can tell me and John anything you want , I promise we aren't going anywhere.”

Rebekah looked between the two of them before looking down at the car interior, pulling at a loose thread coming out of the seat as they talked. 

“I don't feel like a girl. I feel like a boy, I know I'm a boy.”

His voice edged at a confidence, bringing his head up to gage Alex and Johns reaction after a few seconds. Much to his surprise, the both of them were smiling back at him.

“That's one hundred percent okay, John and I wouldn't dream of sending you back because of that.”

He leaned forward and kissed his head before turning back around and starting the car, John staying in the back with Rebekah, who stayed pressed against his side for the whole of 20 minutes.  
-  
As soon as they walked in the door Rebekah took off down the hallway to put his costume. As if on queue, Alexs phone rang as soon as she disappeared behind the door, Kittys number flashing on the caller ID. He answered it, setting it on speaker and placing it on the counter so John could hear. 

“Hello! Just calling to check in, how is she?”

“He's doing great, came and woke me up around 3 last night because he had a nightmare but he was out again by 3:30.”

Alex put extra emphasis on the he pro-noun but if Kitty noticed, she didn't say anything. 

“It happens, fairly often. As you could probably tell from her papers she hasn't had the best life so far.”

“We're doing everything we can to change that, and contrary to what you have told him, this child's gender does not affect a single thing we think about him. We want to be in his life for the foreseeable future, no strings attached.”

Even though neither of them could see her, John practically heard  
Kitty roll her eyes as he talked. 

“I don't see how you can say that, she asked me about 5 times a day for me to not call her a girl but that's what it says on her papers, she's 7. She doesn't know better.”

John thrust his arm out to stop Alex from grabbing the phone, to no avail. 

“ _He_ knows more than your close minded adult mind ever will. We'll be calling New York foster tomorrow and finding him a new agent who isn't an intolerant bi-”

John grabbed the phone off of before he could finish his thought and hung up, sighing. 

“Not that I don't agree with you, but that probably wasn't the best way to go about it.”

“Did you have a better idea?”

He dropped his head in his hands and John sighed, pressing a kiss to his hairline.  
-  
By 7:00 the trio was curled up on the couch watching The Avengers, Rebekah squeezed in between Alex and John, resting his head on Alex's shoulder. About halfway through the movie he tugged at his sleeve. 

“Hm?”

He turned down the volume so he could here him and smiled. 

“I don't wanna be Rebekah.”

He spoke matter o'factly and fiddled with the sleeves of his costume. 

“Well who do you wanna be bud?”

John looked down at him and he shrugged. 

“I like Philip, momma said it was my daddys' middle name. But I dunno.”

He swung his legs and stayed quiet. 

“I think Philip is an awesome person to be.” 

Alex reassured him and his lips curved into a smile as he curled up between them, letting himself drift off to sleep.  
-  
After the movie was finished, and Philip was still sound asleep, Alex offered to carry him into his room, leaving John alone with his thoughts. He had barley known this child and he already felt his heart swell with pride whenever he looked at him. The only other person he ever felt that towards was Alex. But even then, even with a heart full of love and pride, the thought of being like his own father lingered at the back of his mind and it terrified him. He didn't realize he had started crying till Alex walked back in and sat down, putting arm around his waist brushing his hair back with his other hand. 

“I'm terrified. I would never forgive myself if I became a fraction of the father mine was to me.”

“And you won't. You're not Henry Laurens. You're John Laurens, my amazing husband, and you're going to be the best damn father there is.”

“Besides you.”

John chided and laughed, Alex rolling his eyes as he leaned in to kiss him, John mouthing “I love you” before closing the gap between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> philip is the teeniest little thing and i love him lots (i also love feedback!!! (; )


	3. Chapter 3

The next two weeks passed by without much discourse. True to their word, John and Alex found Philip a new social worker, whom they were convinced was an angel on earth. She came over the day after "the incident" and spent time getting to know Philip, even if that entailed watching the Avengers three times in a row. There was one day when Alex walked in to wake him up only to find him crying in the mirror because “I'm all wrong why am I wrong.” but after lots of hugs, and throwing away the bows Kitty had given him he seemed to perk up. With each passing day Philip seemed to get more comfortable and happy in their home, and it warmed their hearts.   
-  
“Philip?” 

John knocked on his bedroom door at around 6:30 to get him for dinner, growing concerned when 3 minutes passed without an answer. He opened the door, scanning the room for him and going white when he saw him on his bed, rocking back and forth and shaking. He looked up when he heard the door open , mouthing something John couldn't make out as he walked over. 

“Hey you're okay I'm here. What's wrong buddy?”

“Hurts...”

He mumbled and clutched his stomach, shaking his head as he dropped it onto his knees and cried. John leaned over and covered his ears as he shouted for Alex, who rushed in with a thermometer. 

“104”

John said and turned to Alex, showing him the number before turning back to Philip and rubbing his back.

“Should we take him in?”

“104 is damn high, even if it's nothing it's better to be safe.” 

John opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he saw Philip look up, groaning and reaching out to John.

“Daddy help”

He said through groans and he suppressed his feelings at Philip calling him daddy, picking him up and making his way down the stairs and out to the car, Alex grabbing a few things before following them. Lucky for John, Philip was tiny for his age so carrying him came with ease, Philip clinging to him like an octopus.   
-  
“Hello! I'm Eliza Schuyler and I'll be your nu-”

“Eliza!" 

Alex leapt up from his chair and hugged her, Eliza hugging him back tightly and pulling away with a smile.

“I haven't seen you two in ages...”

John looked up from the hospital bed where Philip sat on his lap and waved, Eliza walking over and crouching down on the side.

“and you must be Philip.”

The smaller boy lifted his head to look at her, tears rolling down as face as he curled more into John, who wrapped both of his arms around him and kissed his head. 

“I know you aren't feeling great but I'm gonna try fix that, okay?”

He nodded weakly and Eliza walked out for a minute before walking back in with a cart with IV tools, kneeling down next to his bed and wrapping a purple band around his arm.

"Can you count to 10 for me?”

Philip nodded and counted under his breath and winced when the needle hit his skin, Alex leaning over in his chair and brushing his curls back with his hand.

“You did so good, I know it feels weird but you can get some rest now.”  
-  
It was 3 hours before his fever came down, thanks to to the IV line pumping fluids into him when keeping anything down proved to difficult. He drifted in and out of sleep,still comfortable in Johns lap, Alex talking to Eliza. 

“Is he okay? I know is fever is down but is he okay?”

“He's fine, if you're both okay with it we'd like to keep him overnight to monitor him.”

Alex nodded along as she spoke, sighing and looking back at John, who had since laid down next to Philip in his bed, the smaller boy resting his head on his chest. 

“Yeah we'll do that but he is okay right?”

“You worry too much,”

Eliza put a hand on his shoulder and smiled sweetly

“he'll be just fine. And if you need me I'm on call all night.”

She hugged him tightly and waved goodbye to John before walking out, clicking the door shut behind her. When Eliza was gone Alex kicked off his shoes and dragged the cot Eliza had since brought In to the side of his bed, Philip stirring awake at the sound. 

“Whatt?”

He mumbled and reached his hand out, Alex holding it tightly as he rolled over onto his stomach getting as close as he could to his bed without falling. 

“Go back to sleep baby, John and I are right here.”

Philip forced a smile before drifting back off to sleep, keeping a hold of Alexs hand.   
-  
“Hurt hurt hurt hurt -”

Philip shot up a little past 4, shaking vigorously and sweating. He repeated his mantra until John woke, shaking Alex awake before directing his attention to Philip, who was now sobbing. 

“You're okay can you tell me where it hurts?”

He pointed to his stomach and groaned, doubling over and dry heaving, John getting up and walking him to the bathroom, wheeling his IV pole behind them. When he felt his forehead again he was burning up. Alex paged for the nurse, resisting the urge to yell for her. 

Eliza popped in within 30 seconds, going to the bathroom where John and Philip were and sitting on the floor next to Philip.

“Hi it's me again bud, I'm so sorry you're feeling gross but can you stand up? If not that's okay but I'd like you to try.”

He pulled himself up by means of Johns shoulder, only to seize up and drop to the floor, Eliza catching him before his head hit the tile. 

“Go out and grab a blanket from his bed.”

Eliza instructed and John popped out, Alex jumping out of his chair as soon as he saw him. 

“John what's going on is he okay what's going on?”

Alex rambled on the brink of tears and John sighed, walking past him to get a blanket before walking back into the bathroom, leaving the door open for Alex to walk in. By the time he was in there Eliza had the boy on his side on the blanket, his eyes rolling back as his little body seized and shook. 

“Ohmygod...”

Alex mumbled and John put an arm around him, gulping back his own tears. 

“What's going on?”

“Seizure. It shouldn't last more than 5 minutes, if it does we'll have to move him into PICU.”  
-  
It lasted 8 minutes. It was 8 minutes before his eyes rolled back to their normal places and he stopped seizing, the boy still not able to sit up completely without shaking. Eliza paged the PICU to let them know they were on their way. 

“You can pick him up now, one of you should roll his IV Pole.”

Alex peeled himself away from John to bend down and pick up Philip, who cried softly into his shoulder, John grabbing his pole and rolling it down the hallway next to Alex. The room they got settled in seemed to be more of a permanent residence room, there was a couch in the corner and a TV mounted on the wall, and it made Alexs heart sink but he pushed his feelings aside to care for Philip, sitting down on the bed and rocking slowly with Philip in his lap. 

“I know baby I know.“

John stepped out to talk to Eliza for a few minutes, sliding next to Alex when he came back. 

“Eliza said a doctor will be here at 8, that's only in a little under 4 hours.”

“You really think I'm gonna sleep?”

Alex sighed and laid back in the hospital bed, Philip curled up on top of him with his head on his chest, drifting off to sleep. 

“You should try”

John leaned down to kiss both of their heads before dragging the couch over to the side of the bed, sprawling out and falling asleep. Alex finally fell asleep a little after 6.   
-  
“Epilepsy.”

“Epilepsy.”

Alex echoed the doctors words and John reminded silent, the air in the small room off of the MRI room thickening. 

“Now we have treatment options but we need his social worker to sign for them.”

“We already called, she's on the way.”

John mumbled and looked off, Alex squeezing his hand to bring him back in, noticing how tense he was. 

“Can we take this back to the room?”

The doctor seemed to understand and grabbed a file folder of papers before walking back to Philips room, John and Alex in tow. When they walked in Eliza was sitting on his bed doing a puzzle with him, Philip smiled when he heard the door open and Eliza helped him down to walk to the door. He let go of her hand halfway there to run forward and hug his foster dads. 

“How are you feeling bud?”

Alex crouched down and Philip shrugged, rocking on his heels. 

“My brain hurts.”

“Cause it's so big!”

Philip giggled before dragging the both of them back over to his bed to show him his puzzle.  
-  
The group got situated in the room, the doctor in a swivel chair, Eliza sitting on the couch, and John and Alex sitting on the hospital bed, Phillip sitting in Alexs lap. The doctor went to talk but was cut off by the door opening, and Maria rushing into the room, running straight to Philip, who leaned forward to hug her. 

“Oh honey I'm so so glad to see you.”

She kissed his head before sitting next to Eliza, who couldn't keep her eyes off of her.   
-  
They spent 2 hours going over the treatment plan, which would be administered in the hospital for the time being and if the results looked up, Philip would be able to return home within a week. Maria signed her consent for all of it, and signed her number on a post it for Eliza. When the trio consisting of the medical staff and Maria left, John slipped out to go home and get their things. Alex stayed with Philip, watching cartoons and coloring. The smaller boy rested comfortably against him, coloring and humming to himself. 

“Papa?”

Philip whispered, looking back at Alex before turning his attention back to his coloring. 

“You talkin to me?”

Alex brushed his curls back and looked down at him, trying to mask his emotions over Philip calling him that. 

“Uh huh.”

He mumbled and look up at him, scotching back to lay down against him, Alex putting an arm around him. 

“I'm glad.”

He pressed a kiss to his head and Philip smiled, continuing to color as the TV played in the back round. Philip felt his hand start shaking, and soon enough both of his arms, but ignored it. He knew Alex and John got sad when he had a seizure last night, he didn't want to make them sad.   
-  
Alex nearly dozed off to sleep before being jolted awake by the feeling of something shaking against him, the feeling coming from Philip, who was still conscious but spazzing and seizing vigorously, looking at Alex through fear clouded eyes. 

“You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay.”

Alex repeated as he shuffled off the bed, shifting Philip cautiously so that he was on his side, and checking the clock before slamming the nurse page button, Eliza running in now joined by John.  
-  
This one only lasted 3 minutes, Alex sighing a sigh of relief when he looked the clock and five minutes hadn't passed. He was snapped out of his daze by Philip whispering “Papa” through soft cries, promoting him to stand up and help him sit up before sliding in next to him and pulling him onto his lap.

“That was pretty scary, huh? Could you tell what was going on?” 

Eliza prompted and he nodded, John looking back at him from where he was unpacking their clothes.

“Knew it was gonna happen 'cause my arm started shaking.” 

He put his arm out and imitated it, Eliza reaching out a hand to let him know he didn't have to. Alex looked down at him sadly and she shot him a sympathetic look as she stood up.

“I'm gonna leave so you can talk to Alex and John but I'll be back in a little bit.”

As soon as she left John sat in her swivel chair in front of the hospital bed, tapping Philips knee to get his attention.

“If you knew it was gonna happen why didn't you tell Papa?”

Alex brushed his curls with his fingers and kissed his hairline, Philip fiddling with his hands in his lip.

“Cause it made you sad last night. I don't want you to be sad.”

Johns heart dropped at this, as did his expression as much as he tried to prevent it, Philip eyeing him in a concerned manner. 

“It means so much that you want to look out for us but we were sad because we thought something would happen to you.”

He paused and looked at Alex, who turned Philip in his lap a little so he could see his face.

“When your body gets like that it isn't your fault cause you can't control it, we want to help you.”

“Do you still want me?”

Philip mumbled and bit on his bottom lip, training his eyes on the sheets. John got up out of the chair to sit on the edge of the hospital bed, Alex turning so he was next to him.

“Of course we do, we care about you very much.”

Philip looked up and looked between the both of them, his lips curling into a slight smile.

“I love you.”

He said quietly and swung his feet from the bed, Alex putting an arm around him and John pressing kiss to his forehead. 

“And we love you even more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. it gets worse before it gets better. all of philips epilepsy stuff was based off of my sister with epilepsy but i'm no expert, leave feedback!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! i'm so beyond happy with how this is turning out so far and hope you all like it as much as the previous version, leave feedback!!


End file.
